reality as a sharp blade

it is one thing to be emotionally open. it is another to be emotionally opened.

i don’t think we ever plan to be swept off our feet. most of us enter relationships thinking we’ll both give and get. that it’ll be an intimate exchange of parts of ourselves. the parts that we offer, that is. at no point in time do we stop and think that perhaps infatuation is clouding our vision and that we might be giving away parts of ourselves that we did not intend to give. but the fact is that unintentional giving is part of being in a serious relationship. not ready to shed light on experiences, characteristics or even body parts that you’ve kept to yourself for so long? then you aren’t ready for a serious, committed relationship. and that is alright. youth is a burning fire that demands to dance and will not be put out by attractive prospects of the future. or by promises. (heads up, most of them are false anyway). if you find yourself delving deeper and deeper into someone whilst possessing the knowledge that you aren’t ready to be with them in that same sense, as in to delve deep and be open enough for the other person to delve deep into you, then withdraw. withdraw to refrain from causing heartache. because that is the one injury that causes silent bleeding. and what’s more: doubt. heartache makes lovers uncertain of themselves and the way they love others. it makes them retreat into their shell and unlearn the beauty of vulnerability and openness.

i know that love is a beam of overwhelming light. but don’t let it blind you. let it guide you. let it reach for the dark corners of your personality you didn’t know existed. let it inspire you to be more of the person you are; take your interest in learning Japanese seriously, adopt a dog, bake cookies for your brother. do more and be more. but all for yourself. because no matter how much you beautify the future with dreams and fantasies and all things fluff, reality is a sharp blade that’ll stop at nothing. you must contain love deep within yourself, and not just at the surface for the convenience of your partner. what’s at the surface will be cut nice and clean with a sharp knife. but what’s been brewing deep inside your soul can only grow and expand. let love do that to you. let it make a living, breathing tree out of you. let your petals fall with every expectation unmet. let your bark have initials carved into it to remember the beautiful memories you shared. let love shower you with its constant light. and most importantly, let yourself grow without losing touch of your roots. stay true to the person you are before you go to sleep and the minute you wake up. let yourself be loved for that person.

 

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